Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
