I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize