I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize