how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
