peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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