I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
is it fun? or sober?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
