I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
