Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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