I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
