I think i peed on brittanys purse
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
