I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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