then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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