We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
