If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
