when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize