i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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