Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
