Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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