I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
