Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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