I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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