i think my tv is drunk
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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