you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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