Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
third nipple confirmed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
