i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
