she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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