Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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