soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
