I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
