saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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