No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
