this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
