you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
