I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
