My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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