Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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