I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
