Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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