I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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