Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
