You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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