hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
