he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
