i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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