i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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