So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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