dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
