You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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