I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
