i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
