You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
