How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
