Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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