Moan for me like Helen Keller
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
