ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
