My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize