it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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