I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
