i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize