I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am spending my child support on dildos
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
