I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
