Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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