i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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