Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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