so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
