If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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