he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
