P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
