I'm eating all of the evidence.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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