Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
