Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
