And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize