He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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