My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
