what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
