I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
