If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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