You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You've changed since you got that strap on
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
