found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I supernannyed him into submission
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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