your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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