Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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