im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
